Is it true that after blogging three times in one week I've been silent for two whole weeks? I had written a post about my visit home last weekend but there wasn't much to say worth your time. My everyday life isn't varied much and I'd scare you with the things that make it interesting. Tonight I rolled around the thought of just quitting the blog all together because it's hard to find a balance of sharing everyday life without rambling with details about how people miss-spell my name at Starbucks (that was in the post I didn't publish). But, after this weekend I just felt like writing.
It's been a great and tough weekend all in one. Tough because Jim and Maria are working four 12-hour shifts from Friday to Monday so it means that Calvin and I spend a lot of time with each other and since I'm not his mom there just comes a time when our patience with each other needs a refuel. Thankfully Leah came up Friday evening and just left an hour ago. I don't like imagining what the weekend would have been like without her here and it was a blessing to have some cousin time. But now she's gone and Calvin is in bed, there are dishes in the sink, toys strewn across the living room floor, sheets to change on the bed, and several chapters to catch up in my Bible study. I really don't mind doing dishes, picking up toys, and well, changing sheets isn't my favorite but probably the quickest task to complete, but the Bible reading is something I don't just need to do. I need (italics, bold, and underline all necessary) to do it.
You see, what I've learned (often the hard way) the past year and few months is that I have this hole in my heart that can only be filled with personal time with God. I know it sounds funny to say that He's only needed in that hole, and that's not what I'm trying to say. He fills every place in my heart by the way He blesses me with family, friends, nice weather (aren't you loving this spring sunshine?), hobbies I enjoy, and what we call the everyday joys of life. But in addition to blessing me with other people and other things, He blesses me with Him. And when I don't take enough time with Him and try to replace it with other things--even good things that God has given me--that hole in my heart starts itching a little, like it is now.
One of the greatest blessings in my life right now is that I can easily fit quiet time with God into my schedule. And it's something I should appreciate more because weekends like these remind me that 'real life' is busy, hectic, pressing, schedules, deadlines, and to-do lists. The past year I've been almost removed from such things and realizing that life is going to pick up is sometimes frightening. I'm amazed at how long I can draw out a task when I'm not in a hurry without even realizing it that a year ago I would have done the same thing in half the time. It's not good or bad. It's just how life is right now.
I was by no means thrown into a rush this weekend because Leah and I enjoyed just being together and besides keeping Calvin fed, changed, and happy, we took the weekend pretty chill. Yet having my 'normal life' knocked a little out of orbit made me realize how easy it is for me to let my quiet time with God be one of the first things I save for later, later, and later until I'm no longer in the best frame of mind to digest the reading. Or I get easily distracted and view the reading more as something to hurry and do because other things are waiting.
Then the dust settles after the weekend and I, who mostly socializes with a 6-month-old baby (7 months tomorrow!), begin to wonder if I'm losing the ability to relate and communicate with people; I doubt myself; I think it odd that I can have a weekend full of so many good things but still feel an emptiness. Then I have to remember that life is simply best when I keep that hole in my heart filled to overflowing. I love that God is willing to overflow us. It used to bother me that I couldn't remember everything I read in the Bible and that I would always have more to learn but now I think it's one of the most beautiful things. It's like being at a banquet table stretching miles and miles, laden with fresh fruit, hearty meats, sweet delicacies, and all those things we partake of to fill our earthly stomachs only it's the Bible, the Word of God and it floods that hole that can be filled no. other. way.
I think the psalmist sums it up pretty well in Psalm 119:103 when he says How sweet are Thy words to my taste! Yea, sweeter than honey to my mouth!
And with that I will dismiss myself to go overflow that hole in my heart. Have a great week, everybody!
well said. love you!
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