Mexico: We Will Rejoice And Be Glad In It!

In my last post I vaguely told you about a rough time I had.  It really isn't fair for me to tell you about all the good things and leave out some details of the not so good things.

There are two problems though. #1: I have no idea how many people read my blog, who reads it, what they think about what I write, etc.  This bothers me if I let it, but then when I remember this blog isn't supposed to be about me (although I use that word quite often) I guess it doesn't matter.  And #2: I'm not really sure how to explain this challenge.  There was about one week that this was really hard for me; it's not something that I've thought about the whole time I've been here.  And seven weeks ago I would have thought it crazy that this subject would make it to my blog.  But here goes...

I tried to not come with many expectations since I know that is a good way to leave a place dissatisfied.  But one thing I did expect is for time to go faster.  The first week flew by and I thought that if I blinked I would be home.  But pretty soon things got into a routine and I realized that it was a slow routine.  5 50 minute English classes in the morning.  The teaching style of the English teacher is not very interactive and although in most classes I have a specific student I sit with one-on-one, there are some days when they don't really need my help (or don't want my help) and that makes for a long 50 minutes of just sitting there.  Then I get out of school, eat lunch, and have a bunch of spare time until there is either a church activity in the evening or I go over to Grant and Hannah's to hang out and play Settlers.  And by the way, time flies with church activities or really any activity (including Settlers).

Anyway, I'm not trying to complain.  Most of you are probably jealous of the lack of responsibility and social interaction that I have right now which is resulting in a lot of spare time.  Before I came I would have been jealous also.  But when you're a person that likes seeing people and doing things, this type of change is kind of a big deal.  No deadlines except ones you make for yourself.  Not much access to things I did for hobbies.  Hard to imagine, right?  It may sound strange, but this much extra time wore me down emotionally.  Yah, that sounded strange.

What probably made it emotional for me was the fact that I'm a girl.  We have a way of connecting emotions to everything.  But that's not a very good reason.  The other reason was that the speed at which time was passing was something that was causing a separation between me and God.  I came down here to find out if teaching English here was something God might have for my future.  (The current English teacher is pregnant and so they will be needing a new one next year and would prefer an American.)  While I was thinking beforehand I would be a little more involved in classes, reality was that some days I would sit in classes wishing I could be back in Indiana running errands with Mom in Lafayette, hot-tubbing with Leah, working at Homestead, all those things that made time go by fast.  Those things that made life busy (although I'm not sure hot-tubbing falls into that category.)

A week ago it seemed like every scripture I opened to was about sharing the gospel or being sent.  It was kind of terrifying.  I dreaded the thought of teaching English for a year or more.  How could I watch life tick by one slow second at a time?

And here's the answer: I couldn't.  Not alone.  The only reason I could come to teach is because of God's grace.  Living out the passion I've had since 2011 to serve in Mexico is not going to happen by my efforts.  I know that now better than I ever have before!

I do not know what God has in store.  Earlier this week the Lord gave me the 'wait' signal.  But I trust that when God does reveal His will for my future, He will not ask me to do anything unreasonable.  If He does ask me to teach English, I believe time would fly in the classroom and there would be plenty of schoolwork to keep me busy like lesson planning and grading.  Also, I would probably learn more Spanish and be better able to visit the elderly in the church and things like that in my spare time.

I also know that if serving in Mexico is not His will for my near future or anytime in my life that I do not want to serve in Mexico.  Maybe that passion will be fulfilled in these 10 weeks.  I do not know.  But however it is, more than anything I want to be in His will.

Thanks for 'listening' to something you probably cannot connect to at all.  I'm sure most readers have their own struggles right now that are much more serious than mine.  Life is hard, but these challenges are so faith strengthening.  They keep us dependent on God.

Thankfully this week has been a little more interactive in the classroom.  I really really love the kids (most of the time :D) and the more I get to be involved with them in class the faster the day goes.  They are not the cause of my slow days and I will miss them very much.

As for these last three weeks...I feel like I have as good of an understanding as I can of what the English classes are like.  And, I also want to find ways to make my spare time more productive and be better about making deadlines for myself so I can at least feel productive.  Anyway, to make the most of my time here I'm hoping to switch things up.  The plan is that beginning next week I will be attending classes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays I hope to find a way I can help people from church.  Plans are always changing so I'm not sure what will happen, but I will keep blogging!

I'd like to close with this verse that is a good reminder for me right now:
This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.
~Psalm 118:24